Reading time: 8 min

Quotes I’ve found in and around the Internet, collected because they make me smile. Check the page source if you want to see some commented sources.

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[brackets], (parentheses) and {squirlies}

7/11 was a part time job

Abandon hope all ye who enter here

Apply the handbrake ya dumb broad

Are we still in denial when we know we’re not happy here

Aryan Tupac

As above, so below

Back to the Pleistocene

Be cheerful, enjoy your life

Be excellent to each other

Being pissed off is better than being pissed on

Brevity is the soul of wit

Bring snacks and supplies

Buckle Up Buckaroo

Bugger this for a game of soldiers

But that’s just a theory

Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius

Call me Ishmael

C’est la vie

Coins I flip land on their sides

CSS is Awesome

Curious and curiouser

d'ä e å, å i åa ä e ö

Damnation, for this?

Defer your gratification

Deus vult

Diamonds are intrinsically worthless

Did you see that ludicrous display last night

Do androids dream of dick?

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Each of us fights for what he lacks most

Errors by errorlight

Ever felt the joy of karate chopping an ankle?

Every man has his price

Every sixty seconds in Africa, a minute passes

Everybody lies

Everyday we stray further from Saradomin’s light

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence

Face down, ass up, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up

Fan oven nonce

Feed me Seymore

Feels like we only go backwards

Fuck off up the model village

Fuck the state

Furthermore, I consider that Carthage must be destroyed

Geography is destiny

Get used to disappointment

Glory to Arstotska

Hail Hydra

Happy birthday to the ground

Have you hugged your Zords today?

Have you seen this chicken?

Having fun is not a waste of time

He has no wallet, I checked

Heavy wizardry begins here

Hell is real. Heaven is not

Hesitation is defeat

Hi, my name is Adobe and I’m a professional software suite

History vindicated Kaczynski

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

How far do you think I can kick this bucket?

I am never gonna financially recover from this

I am the milkman, my milk is delicious

I did not have sexual relations with that woman

I don’t know about you, but I could murder a curry

I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully

I had a plan for that rock

I hate to hate and I hate that

I have diplomatic immunity

I know it when I see it

I loathe Zuni aesthetics

I mentally shake hands with you for your answer

I must apologize for Wimp Lo… he is an idiot. We have purposely trained him wrong, as a joke.

I never saved anything for the swim back

I only doubted you up until the end

I regret learning to read

I saw her duck with my telescope

I suppose he meant well, but then so did Hitler

I think he took his wallet

I want to be cremated, and I want my ashes blown in Uri Geller’s eyes

I would rather starve than eat your bread

If you die in Russia, you die in real life

If you don’t stand for something, you’ll be sure to fall for anything

If you know beans about chili, you know that chili has no beans

If you play your cards right, you might just get to meet the whole gang

If you see something, say nothing, and drink to forget

If you were any simpler you’d have to be watered every day

I’m bleeding, making me the victor

I’m not a real doctor, But I am a real worm

I’m not complaining, I’m just explaining

I’m not giving my name to a machine

In Scotland the forbidden fruit is fruit.

In war there are no winners, only widows

In your opinion, which country contributed most to the defeat of Germany in 1945?

Incidentally, my name is Gedächtnis

Into the incinerator you go

Is almond a fruit?

Is that a euphemism?

Is this capoeira?

ISO-8601 for life

It is a very comfortable hell

It takes forever, until it doesn’t

It’s called a child-size soda because it is the size of a child

It’s funny how a diagnosis can make things worse

It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care

It’s not your pudding, you alzheimer’s lout!

It’s probably fine

I’ve got a horse called Treacle. It’s got golden stirrups

Jeremy Irons lives in your garage

Jessie, you’re a good dog

Just because you’re paranoid, don’t mean they’re not after you

Just one cornetto

Keep it futile

keine gnade meine kinder

Leave the handgun, take the cash

Let nothing human be alien to you

Let’s see what life has installed for us

Magic must defeat magic

Make your influence positive

Mark, be honest. Is this not a little bit better than being dead?

May you live in interesting times

Me? The one person I trusted most?

More similar than different

Mother, should I trust the government

Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind

Mustn’t grumble

My name is Bolo Santosi, I am the leader of the revolutionary army known as the Reapers.

My tables are so clean you could eat off them

No capes


No kali-ba

No one knows anything


Not a hill I want to die on

Not great, not terrible

Not my circus, not my monkeys

Not today, old friend

Not waving, but drowning

Not your keys, not your coins

Nothing will be born from hatred

Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides

Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers

Off we go then

Oll Korrect

On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog

One clown leg

Only a sith deals in absolutes

Peaceful sheep live happily eating grass

Pining for the fjords

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

Poverty has its freedoms; opulence has its obstacles

RAID is not backup

Reader beware, you’re in for a slap

Rosalind’s a fucking nightmare

Roses are red, violets are blue, Unexpected ‘{’ on line 32

Row row. Fight the power

Run Joey, Run! You should be faster now!

Seldom surprised, often disappointed

Shh my child… Let’s not do to anything too rash…

Shikata ga nai

Shooting stars only

Sic semper tyrannis you fucking idiot

Sleep is Just Death Being Shy

Snifters of cognac for everyone

So it goes

Some men you just can’t reach

Sometimes I work for the government

Sometimes war dreams of itself

Swansea is the graveyard of ambition

Tart baker

Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button

Thanks, I hate it

That anime hologram’s just not that into you

That’s a maniac standpoint

That’s my secret Cap'. I’m always tired.

That’s not theft, that’s sporting spirit

The beatings will continue until morale improves

The burned hand teaches best

The house always wins

The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race

The things you own end up owning you

The truth shall set you free

The victim of a clerical error

The years start coming and they don’t stop coming

Theoretical degree in physics

There can be only one

There was blood in the kitchen, there was blood in the hall

They think your haircuts are un-American

Things won’t always be this good

This better not awaken anything in me

This inhuman place makes human monsters

This is only a test of the emergency broadcast system

This is extremely dangerous to our democracy

This isn’t horseplay, it’s a major felony

This meme is already nothing but a memory

Three men, two ladies

Tiny Terry loves his pickles

Trust, but verify

‘Tis a silly place


Two hundred dollar, please

Two steps forward, three steps back

Vado a bordo, cazzo!

We feel alone together

We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it

Well I’m not here to fuck spiders

Well. I guess there’s nothing to do but lay here and wait to die

We’ve all technically kicked a pregnant woman

What a digital dummy

What a save!

What are you screaming for? I haven’t even started cooking yet

What goes on in liminal space stays in liminal space, right?

What we’ve got here is failure to communicate

What’s her name again? - Eileen, I think

What’s it all about then? Seriously, when you get down to it

When should I start to worry?

Where dreams go to die

Who you calling a stalker? I’m not a stalker, you’re a stalker!

With all the things you have in your life, are you any more happy than your dog?

wOrange, Orange, wGreen, Blue, wBlue, Green, wBrown, Brown

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad

You are being shagged by a rare parrot!

You are tending a plant that is dead

You can’t eat your cake and have it too

You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You need one to skydive twice

You guys have phones, don’t you?

You sound like my parole officer

You stay, I go. No following.

You want sympathy? It’s in the dictionary, between shit and syphilis

You wouldn’t find Hitler playing jungle music at 3 o’clock in the morning

Your proposal is acceptable

Your stories have entertained me. I will let you into the cave for a short time.

You’ve got razzle-dazzle

🇬🇧 English (Traditional), 🇺🇸 English (Simplified)