Quotes

Quotes I’ve found in and around the Internet, collected because they make me smile. Check the page source if you want to see some commented sources.

7/11 was a part time job

Abandon hope all ye who enter here

Abort, she’s onto us

A friend to all is a friend to none

A little bit of everything, all of the time

Ambition makes you look pretty ugly

And I say your 3 cent titanium tax doesn’t go too far enough

Apply the handbrake ya dumb broad

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says “I think I might be type-o”

Are we still in denial when we know we’re not happy here

Aryan Tupac

As above, so below

As mundane in texture as any novel I’ve ever written

Back to the Pleistocene

:(){ :|: & };:

Be cheerful, enjoy your life

Be excellent to each other

Being pissed off is better than being pissed on

Better one day as a lion than a hundred days as a sheep

[brackets], (parentheses) and {squirlies}

Bread and circuses

Brevity is the soul of wit

Bring snacks and supplies

Buckle Up Buckaroo

Bugger this for a game of soldiers

Butter the toast, eat the toast, shit the toast. God, life’s relentless.

But that’s just a theory

Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius

Call me Ishmael

Carne Por la Machina

C’est la vie

Coins I flip land on their sides

CSS is Awesome

Curious and curiouser

Damnation, for this?

d’ä e å, å i åa ä e ö

Defer your gratification

Deus vult

Diamonds are intrinsically worthless

Did he have hands? Did he have a face?

Did you see that ludicrous display last night

Do androids dream of dick?

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Don’t worry, it’ll evaporate

Down here, salt is a way of life

Each of us fights for what he lacks most

🇬🇧 English (Traditional), 🇺🇸 English (Simplified)

En svensk tiger

Errors by errorlight

Even a Q-tip-shaped, rough draft Pixar-looking motherfucker like you.

Ever felt the joy of karate chopping an ankle?

Everybody lies

Everyday we stray further from Saradomin’s light

Every man has his price

Every sixty seconds in Africa, a minute passes

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence

Face down, ass up, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up

Fan oven nonce

Feed me Seymore

Feels like we only go backwards

Follow the money

Forged bonds harm no one!

Friends have been urging me to write to you for the sake of humanity

Fuck off up the model village

Fuck the state

Furthermore, I consider that Carthage must be destroyed

Geography is destiny

Get used to disappointment

Glory to Arstotska

Go home and look at your wife’s functional knee

Greetings, proletariat

Guess this will be my last message. Good-bye, boys.

Guys literally only want one thing and it’s fucking disgusting

Hail Hydra

Happy birthday to the ground

Have you hugged your Zords today?

Have you seen this chicken?

Having fun is not a waste of time

Heavy wizardry begins here

He has no wallet, I checked

Hell is real. Heaven is not

Hello! I’ve just shot somebody and I did it on purpose. I said, I have murdered a man and I want to confess

Hesitation is defeat

Hi, my name is Adobe and I’m a professional software suite

History vindicated Kaczynski

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

How dare you gamble with their souls

How far do you think I can kick this bucket?

How will people know you’re a special non-conformist without a non-confirmist uniform?

Hurt people hurt people

I am never gonna financially recover from this

I am the milkman, my milk is delicious

I can’t get enough of that wanky bread

I did not have sexual relations with that woman

I don’t know about you, but I could murder a curry

I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully

If you could blow up the world with the flick of a switch would you do it?

If you die in Russia, you die in real life

If you don’t stand for something, you’ll be sure to fall for anything

If you know beans about chili, you know that chili has no beans

If you play your cards right, you might just get to meet the whole gang

If you’re not turned on to politics, politics will turn on you

If you see something, say nothing, and drink to forget

If you were any simpler you’d have to be watered every day

I had a plan for that rock

I hate to hate and I hate that

I have diplomatic immunity

I know it when I see it

I loathe Zuni aesthetics

I’m bleeding, making me the victor

I mentally shake hands with you for your answer

I’m escaping to the one place that hasn’t been corrupted by capitalism

I’m not a real doctor, But I am a real worm

I’m not complaining, I’m just explaining

I’m not giving my name to a machine

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

I must apologize for Wimp Lo… he is an idiot. We have purposely trained him wrong, as a joke.

Incidentally, my name is Gedächtnis

I never saved anything for the swim back

In Scotland the forbidden fruit is fruit.

Into the incinerator you go

In war there are no winners, only widows

In your opinion, which country contributed most to the defeat of Germany in 1945?

I only doubted you up until the end

I pledge not to spill 4.9 million barrels of oil into the gulf of mexico

I regret learning to read

Is almond a fruit?

I saw her duck with my telescope

ISO-8601 for life

Is that a euphemism?

Is this capoeira?

I suppose he meant well, but then so did Hitler

I think he took his wallet

It is a very comfortable hell

It is difficult to remember conversations one has while shooting on a grouse moor

It may not be a perfect system, but it’s still the best one there is

It’s called a child-size soda because it is the size of a child

It’s funny how a diagnosis can make things worse

It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care

It’s not your pudding, you alzheimer’s lout!

It’s probably fine

It takes forever, until it doesn’t

I’ve got a horse called Treacle. It’s got golden stirrups

I want to be cremated, and I want my ashes blown in Uri Geller’s eyes

I would rather starve than eat your bread

Jeremy Irons lives in your garage

Jessie, you’re a good dog

Just because you’re paranoid, don’t mean they’re not after you

Just one cornetto

Keep it futile

keine gnade meine kinder

Ladders are always the correct option

Learn to live on lentils and you will not have to be subservient to the king

Leave the handgun, take the cash

Let go or be dragged

Let nothing human be alien to you

Let’s grow old together, and die at the same time

Let’s see what life has installed for us

Like a boozy panda

Like with a cloth or something?

Long days and pleasant nights

Magic must defeat magic

Make your influence positive

Mark, be honest. Is this not a little bit better than being dead?

May you live in interesting times

Meeting Disconnected. The AI detected an unexpected loved one.

Me? The one person I trusted most?

Monster Island’s actually a peninsula

More similar than different

Mother, should I trust the government

Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind

Mustn’t grumble

My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined

My Mill grinds Pepper, and Spice. Your Mill grinds Rats, and Mice

My name is Bolo Santosi, I am the leader of the revolutionary army known as the Reapers.

My tables are so clean you could eat off them

No capes

NO ESCAPE, NO SURRENDER, NO WITNESSES

nofkyo

No kali-ba

No one knows anything

Not a hill I want to die on

Not great, not terrible

Nothing cleans stubborn stains like suppressed anger

Nothing Is True and Everything Is Possible

Nothing will be born from hatred

Not my circus, not my monkeys

Not today, old friend

Not waving, but drowning

Not your keys, not your coins

Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides

Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers

Off we go then

Oll Korrect

Once you’ve been to Cambodia, you’ll never stop wanting to beat Henry Kissinger to death with your bare hands

One clown leg

Only a sith deals in absolutes

On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog

Outside of a Dog, a Book is Man’s Best Friend. Inside of a Dog, It’s Too Dark to Read

Peaceful sheep live happily eating grass

Pining for the fjords

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

Please don’t ask if I’m a real seagull, I think it’s pretty obvious I am

Poverty has its freedoms; opulence has its obstacles

RAID is not backup

Reader beware, you’re in for a slap

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Rosalind’s a fucking nightmare

Roses are red, violets are blue, Unexpected ‘{’ on line 32

Row row. Fight the power

Run Joey, Run! You should be faster now!

Seldom surprised, often disappointed

Shh my child… Let’s not do to anything too rash…

Shikata ga nai

Shooting stars only

Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?

Sic semper tyrannis you fucking idiot

Silver or lead?

Six trombones is not a parade

Sleep is Just Death Being Shy

Smells like white spirit

Snifters of cognac for everyone

So it goes

Some men you just can’t reach

Sometimes I work for the government

Sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe shit

Sometimes war dreams of itself

Swansea is the graveyard of ambition

Tart baker

tattoos of spaceships, tits, band names, tarantino, where did doctor marten study, tits

Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

Tell me what you want, and I’ll tell you if I’m free

Thanks, I hate it

Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button

That anime hologram’s just not that into you

That’s a maniac standpoint

That’s my secret Cap’. I’m always tired.

That’s not theft, that’s sporting spirit

The beatings will continue until morale improves

The burned hand teaches best

The call of the void

The egg bar is coveted as fuck

The gaping maw of consumerism

The house always wins

The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race

The mask is heavy today?

Theoretical degree in physics

The patron saint of putting up with idiots

There can be only one

There it is again. That funny feeling.

There was blood in the kitchen, there was blood in the hall

The things you own end up owning you

The truth shall set you free

The victim of a clerical error

The years start coming and they don’t stop coming

They only have to be lucky once, we have to be lucky always

They think your haircuts are un-American

Things won’t always be this good

This better not awaken anything in me

This inhuman place makes human monsters

This is extremely dangerous to our democracy

This isn’t horseplay, it’s a major felony

This is only a test of the emergency broadcast system

This meme is already nothing but a memory

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.

Three men, two ladies

Tiny Terry loves his pickles

‘Tis a silly place

Trust, but verify

Tsundoku

Two hundred dollar, please

Two lovers missing the tranquility of solitude

Two steps forward, three steps back

Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without

Vado a bordo, cazzo!

We cook bacon, but we bake cookies

We feel alone together

We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it

Well. I guess there’s nothing to do but lay here and wait to die

Well I’m not here to fuck spiders

We’re in a giant car heading towards a brick wall and everyones arguing over where they’re going to sit

We’re just normal men. We’re just innocent men

We’ve all technically kicked a pregnant woman

We’ve also arrested your older, balder, fatter son

What a digital dummy

What are you screaming for? I haven’t even started cooking yet

What a save!

What goes on in liminal space stays in liminal space, right?

What’s her name again? - Eileen, I think

What’s it all about then? Seriously, when you get down to it

What we’ve got here is failure to communicate

When should I start to worry?

Where dreams go to die

Who you calling a stalker? I’m not a stalker, you’re a stalker!

With all the things you have in your life, are you any more happy than your dog?

wOrange, Orange, wGreen, Blue, wBlue, Green, wBrown, Brown

Yes, even if they ask stupid questions

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad

Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango

Yes, the planet got destroyed. But for a beautiful moment in time we created a lot of value for shareholders

Yes, there’s a TV set on at number five, it’s in the front room. They’re watching Columbo

You are being shagged by a rare parrot!

You are tending a plant that is dead

You can’t eat your cake and have it too

You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You need one to skydive twice

You guys have phones, don’t you?

You’ll Own Nothing and You’ll Be Happy

You load 16 tons, what do you get?

You need to work on your threats

Your friends are having children on purpose

Your proposal is acceptable

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.

Your stories have entertained me. I will let you into the cave for a short time.

You sound like my parole officer

You stay, I go. No following.

You’ve got razzle-dazzle

You want sympathy? It’s in the dictionary, between shit and syphilis

You will find out what we make at the factory when you work at the factory

You wouldn’t find Hitler playing jungle music at 3 o’clock in the morning